Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
