if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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