i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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