Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
