It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
