she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
