I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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