I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
