from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
