First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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