I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
