jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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