Just fell off a train. Bad.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
