So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
