No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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