i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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