Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
