Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
