Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
