sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
