how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
