if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
