I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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