i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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