my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
