how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
