she woke up with a sticky ear
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone shattered a urinal.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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