I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
