Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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