If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
