things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
