I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
