Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
