You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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