we have officially lost it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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