The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
