You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
