Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
