I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
