Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
