Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
