it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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