So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
