They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
