the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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