my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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