Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
