He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
