Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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