Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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