david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
